7/24/2009

I was just a point on earth. You were The Polaris. (II)

[English]
Everyday it becomes harder to breathe and i know it will be worse. We all said "nothing can be this worse again" but time passes we become "old and wise" so we understand that "everything will be worse than ever". I remember once there were much more birds on the sky than today, songs were less painful and me.. i was younger.. no, i wasn't younger i was just a child for more than 48 months. Altough i was 25 i was feeling as a newborn, a freshman on earth and love.

I thought love would be endless and i could trust.. i trusted. I was just a homeless and now i am an exile. An exile who misses his country more than ever. An exile who only can stand up while he is drunk. An exile who begs for a drop of tap water from his country. An exile in an island who cheers every night to his country and memories while standing on his knees in front of the see . An exile who asks his colleagues "when i die please don't let me rot here.. take me back home" ..

I was just a homeless while you were mine than you went and i became an exile.. all the songs i listen, all the chants i yell ...

[Türkçe]

Nefes almak her gün daha da zorlaşıyor ve biliyorum daha da beter olacak. Hepimiz "daha beter olamaz bir daha" dedik ama zaman geçti ve bizler daha "yaşlı ve bilge" olduk böylece anladık ki "her şey hiç olmadığı kadar kötü olacak." anımsıyorum bir zamanlar gökyüzünde daha fazla kuş vardı, şarkılar daha az can yakardı ve ben.. ben daha gençtim.. yo, genç değildim çocuktum 48 aydan fazlasında. 25 olsam da yeni doğmuş, bu dünyanın ve aşkım acemisi hissediyordum.

Aşkın sonsuz olduğunu ve güvenebileceğimi sanmış, Güvenmiştim.. Sadece bir evsizdim ve şimdi bir sürgünüm. Ülkesini hiç olmadığı kadar çok özleyen bir sürgün. Sadece sarhoş olduğunda dik durabilen bir sürgün. Memleketinden bir yudum musluk suyu için yalvaran bir sürgün. Her gece bir adada denize karşı durup ülkesine ve anılarına kadeh kaldıran bir sürgün. Arkadaşlarına "öldüğümde beni burada çürümeye bırakmayın eve götürün" diyen bir sürgün.

Benim olduğun zamanlarda sadece bir evsizdim. şimdi ise bir sürgün. dinlediğim tüm şarkılar ve haykırdığım tüm sloganlar..

At Beyi

2 comments:

el said...

This is beautiful, your love for this woman was very deep, how she made you feel younger and was very much part of your world. She obviously made the world a more tolerable place when she was with you. I hope since this was written time has started to play an important part in healing your heart.... El x

Zapperlotta said...

You write so wonderful with your words. I wish me that the time bring heal in your heart.

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